Soft belly, saggy butt and cellulite on the beach and in the bathroom… An interview with sexologist Karina Løvkvist on body image issues and their effects on mental and sexual health. With some tips on improvement.
The bikini season is just around the corner and many of us are dreading the moment when we’ll have to jump into those tiny summer dresses and tight swimsuits. Our bellies may not be quite as tight as they used to be. Our asses have become a little bigger over the years and the cellulite seems here to stay...
But apart from stopping us from just enjoying ourselves at the beach, what else does our negative body image mean for our personal freedom?
We interviewed social educator and sexologist Karina Løvkvist. After an ostomy operation, she experienced what body image disorders – or negative body image perceptions – can do to our overall enjoyment and sexual freedom.
What does it mean for our happiness and joy of life if we feel good about our own body?
"It is important that we feel a physical balance in our body if we want to be the authentic version of ourselves. There are many books written about how we need to love ourselves – and love ourselves first – in order to be able to give love to someone else," says Karina Løvkvist.
“We have all heard several times that to love yourself, you have to love all of yourself. A key element of this is accepting your own body as it is. Only when you can do this can you let go and be totally present in your sensuality.”
What does negative body image do to our sex life?
"If you go into a sexual intercourse with a negative perception of your own body, you destroy sensuality for yourself, and it can be difficult to achieve an orgasm," says Karina Løvkvist and continues: "You may also experienced it yourself. You are lying in bed with your partner and feel hands caressing your stomach. It should be a beautiful and tender moment. But many people will instinctively start to think that their partner can feel the “extra layer” and how you look, and, and, and, and... Right there, in that moment, you lose your sensuality."
"Instead of all this, you should have just felt the warmth of your partner's hands on your body. The softness of each other's skin that can send shivers down your spine and the feeling of you lying so beautifully and being caressed.
... And yes, it's easier said than done. I know!"
How can we work on positive body image?
"There are several different exercises one can try. I think I have tried most of them myself. But here are the three that I have experienced the most success with:
The mirror exercise
Stand in front of the mirror. Completely naked. Look at your body, but don't look at all the things you hate. Find the details you like.
At first it might be hard to find anything, but you might see a beauty spot that actually looks very cute. Say it out loud and compliment it. The more times you do this exercise, the more positive things you'll find and the better you'll get at complimenting yourself.
And yes, it will feel weird the first ten times you do the exercise. But it gets better, easier and more believable every time you do it.
The sensory exercise
Ejaculation or climax are not the only goal of intimate pleasure. Therefore, start by feeling the sensuality. If you are struggling with your body image, you can start with a blindfold play – cover your partner's eyes and feel how you can become more relaxed.
Now focus on the individual touches, stroke your partner's arm, feel the warmth of each other's breath, taste the salt on their skin and listen to their breathing. Again, it's not about penetration and ejaculation.
As you gradually become more comfortable and relaxed in your sensuality, allow your partner to watch you while you do this. Remember that your partner has chosen you in the bedroom and has already won the lottery.
Be curious about each other and explore the land of erogenous zones.
Eye contact
Look your partner in the eyes. Look long and look deep.
Feel each other and feel how you can almost merge into one. It's okay if you laugh, because it can feel a bit awkward, I know. But it's through the eyes where you allow your partner to see you, all of you.
Through this intense eye contact, you will feel safe and dare to let go more.
So never mind the soft belly, saggy butt and cellulite, the bikini (and lingerie) game is on. Both inside and outside the bedroom!
“Try these exercises until you love your soft stomach, saggy butt and orange skin. Try it. Feel it and set yourself free. I guarantee you won't regret it.” says Karina Løvkvist.