The "orgasm gap" refers to the difference in orgasm rates between men and women during intercourse. Studies have consistently shown that men are more likely to orgasm during sex compared to women. According to a British study in 2022, 61% of men, but only 30% of women say they orgasm every time they have sex. According to the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, NSSHB in the USA the gap is even bigger: 75% of men vs. 29% of women.
The Kinsey Institute's research has suggested that the orgasm gap between men and women is not solely due to physical factors but also related to psychological and emotional aspects of sexual experiences. They have found that the gap can be narrower in longer-term relationships where the communication and emotional connection are stronger.
The interesting thing about female desire is that it is invisible to all that don’t know the female body well. And when so few women achieve orgasm in the sexual act, only a few men become wiser each time.
The way to cross the orgasm gap therefore goes through an increased sense of reality, a safe room to explore and respect around female desire. The good thing is that you yourself have the key to unlock all three. And the result if you open up will be better, more fun and more intimate sexual experiences for both of you.
An increased sense of reality
Make a decision to do what it takes to get to know your own desire and your body. Then start experimenting. Check online and google what you are curious about, or read an erotic book, listen to a sexy podcast, watch porn, watch an erotic film, or whatever you want. Register what you sense is naughty, because that is individual, and it will become your compass to use in the future.
When you are ready, start touching yourself. You can do no wrong, because you are all alone in this. If you find it difficult to feel what turns you on, proceed to a new area or spend a little more time with each element before moving on.
Good sex happens as a unison of body and mind. So you may experience a feeling of shame about something that turns you on. It happens to quite a few women in the beginning, because our culture has for long not linked women and sexuality. But there is no reason why the cultural norms for a woman should determine how much pleasure you can experience. So confidently embrace the secrets you and your body share with each other as you explore pleasure.
The safe room
When you are ready, you can begin to bring some of the feelings, sensations and desires that you have experienced alone into the intimate space with a partner. You might even tell your partner about your quest for your own pleasure and then you can explore things together.
If you already know what turns you on, but you can't orgasm with a partner, ask yourself what you're afraid of, i.e. what's the worst that could happen if you share your longings or give precise instructions, or expect a little more? That she laughs at you? That it will not be a success if you try something new? That he will lose his erection?
Yes, all that can happen. And then it passes. Because it can also happen that your partner is happy about the trust you show, and that you want to be horny with him or her, which will bring you closer to each other.
The respect
In order to create respect, it is important that you dare talk about sex with a partner. It can be difficult to get started so make sure you start talking about it when the two of you are alone. Maybe there was something in the media about sex that you can start with. Or refer to a scene from a film, a book or whatever you use. Adopt a curious rather than a judgmental approach.
You can also go to an online sex shop and look at some of the products there and use them to explore each other's curiosity together. Or go to physical stores together. Just arranging such a visit can increase your mutual desire, so that you may not go at all but prefer to have sex. You can also try to laugh together when what you thought was really naughty turns out not to work at all. Laughing together can open the door to a more playful approach.
The most important thing when you explore together is to agree that it is always okay to say maybe, yes, and no - and that a no always must be respected.
The more you individually and together find the courage to cultivate reality around female sexuality, creating a safe room and mutual respect, the more you will improve your chances of reaching great heights of pleasure, joy and vitality.